While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sext me about skeletons
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
