Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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