Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
