His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
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I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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