My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
