It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
