GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
