Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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