just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
