She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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