so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
