I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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