Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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