i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
