He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
