Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
