She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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