my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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