Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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