Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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