Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
