My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
