remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
