I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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