i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
