Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
