why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
