Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
