Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
