I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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