I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
