Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
