the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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