I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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