1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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