so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
