god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
