I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
