I hate your face
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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