on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
this will be a night to untag.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am available for nakedness
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
