dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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