Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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