Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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