Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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