After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
