the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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