You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
