You just made me feel so damn special
I need help removing her.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
