I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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