Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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