So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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