around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
