I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
