If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
