Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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