We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My pussy is not your playground.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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