she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
