Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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