You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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