We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
