i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
