woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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