Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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