I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
