Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
