FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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