my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
