I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
