You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
