ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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