Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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